Irresponsibility under cover of religiosity

After the government shelved the last attempt to give legal rights to unmarried couples, a Private Members’ Bill is being introduced to try again. Worthy as the cause maybe, people are not asking basic questions on why we have this predicament: Why do men (yes mostly men) not want to get married? Is it because men want the thrill without the bill?

The argument that marriage is just a piece of paper (we don’t need a piece of paper to prove we are committed) is self-serving. If it was ‘just a piece of paper’ what then is the problem with getting it? As for the religious marriages, that’s also nonsense: if you object to religion – go to a registry office!

The final issue is of course the special [or dreaded] wedding! The cost of weddings - expectations are so huge, that people ‘live together’ until they can get married. This again is a petty excuse, wedding can be as cheap or as expensive as you want. We don’t exactly see people refusing to travel by plane until they’ve saved enough for first class seats – instead no-frills airlines are all the rage.

The other issue at the root of the problem is the deluded women who have been convinced of this lie! Yes, you don’t need a piece of paper; but you will wish you had it, when you end up without a home, no money, and a child to look after.

Now to the problem on a policy level, why bring yet more legislation to give rights to these deluded women, when the simplest thing would be to insist every co-habitation is registered! Call it a civil marriage, ‘partnership registration’ or whatever you like – but insist every single couple living together are registered, so that each party knows their rights and responsibilities. Simple isn’t it?

This would be similar to the Islamic idea, where every ‘marriage’ (between a man and woman) is recognised. Whether that happens in a mosque, church, temple or even the town hall – but happen it must, before people can live together. Only then we won’t have the terrible consequences that we now have.

Muslims are not immune to this self-serving loophole, sadly. The Islamic Nikah/Aqd (the religious ceremony) is abused by Muslim men as a way of deliberately refusing their wife’s rights in non-Muslim countries.

Firstly, they argue that they are Islamically married and therefore there’s no need to ‘register it’ - the just a piece of paper argument. But crucially these marriages are not recognised by the law. What these people don’t realise is that they are considered to be ‘living together’, an ‘unmarried couple’. And most disturbing for Muslims, any children born would be considered ‘bastards’ – illegitimate in the eyes of the law!

As in the non-Muslim example, everything is fine when times are good, but when it becomes sour – a woman is often left with children (illegitimate in law), and penniless. A case in point: a man ‘marries’ his ‘friend’ – everything is well ‘alhamdulillah’ (praise be to God indeed), they even have a baby. A year later the man says to his ‘wife’ that he has to leave her, his parents are taking him to ‘pakistan’ to get married!

Men can also be disadvantaged: they will not be able to see their children automatically. If their former ‘partner’ doesn’t wan to give them access – they will have ask the courts for their rights!

The most obvious solution would be for mosques and Islamic centres to register themselves to conduct marriages – and all Imams and community leaders to insist that ‘private’ nikahs be stopped. But in the meantime we need other options.

We need to start a campaign to stop these ‘Islamic’ marriages which are not registered. We need to insist that every nikah is registered. One solution would be to ask registry offices to allow Imams to do the marriage sermon (khutba) before the registrar does their bit, and also make space on the marriage certificate for additional information – there the mahr (dowry) can be inserted. If no space is possible, another standard paper can be printed to state how much the dowry is (and how it’s paid); this would be signed by the couple and the same witnesses, and attached to the marriage certificate. 

If the registry offices don’t allow Imams to do sermons – if required, it can be done at home before going to the office, or even outside the place!

The main point is that there are creative solutions! No-one should accept the ‘private nikahs’ which are not promptly registered. If necessary do the civil registration before the nikah. Now that’s what you call girl power – no flesh display required.